My New Workout Plan at 70

May 20, 2020

Sunday was birthday number 70. Bonnie baked me a giant dark chocolate cake. It took me two tries to blow out the candles. There were only two, a seven and a zero. This might be funny if I was making it up.

My friends—mostly ones younger than me—say 70 is not old. I could train to do a marathon or thru-hike the Appalachian Trail. People my age even compete in the Ironman Triathlon.

I chewed on my cake and considered those options for cardiovascular training. Glamorous, but they are probably not going to happen. I need a fitness routine that’s challenging but more doable, something I can participate in on a daily basis, maybe even here at home. Then a manly plan popped into my head. Coming up with it was like a birthday wish come true, without even getting all those candles on one try. And like a triathlon, it has three events.

Event one: Getting up. This is something I already do each morning, so no extra time is required in my schedule. I do it early, mainly because at my age I feel like I need a head start. This will count as the weight lifting part of my routine. That is why I feel entitled to go get another piece of cake. It just intensifies my workout.

Event two: Moving around. This is the cardio piece. I don’t want to get too specific on the activity. I’ll leave that open for whatever is on the schedule that day.

Here’s an example. One day last week I decided I would spend a couple hours scraping paint from our house in preparation for a new coat one day soon. And as usual, at my age I can turn just about any activity into a cardio event.

I put the ladder up and climbed halfway. For some reason I stopped, then couldn’t remember if I was on my way up or down. Even though down seemed easier, I climbed up till I reached the top. Then I realized I’d forgotten the scraper. I went back down to look for it.

In the search I got sidetracked on another job. After a while I needed a rest and plopped down. That was when I found out, the hard way, that the scraper had been in my back pocket the entire time.

I went back up the ladder and scraped a little. I realized I should be wearing a mask to shield me from the dust. Some of the old paint surely contains lead. I scraped it 25 years ago with no mask, and that, I’m sure, explains a lot.

I went back down and found the mask with little trouble. Then I went back up to work, only to be reminded soon that I needed a bathroom break.

Etc., etc.

Event three: Staying awake until nine. Bonnie will tell you I start fading early in the evening. Sometimes I sit on the couch to wind down from my cardio. If I sit too long, though, it takes two or three tries to get up. Weight lifting is not supposed to be until the next morning.

We’ll see how my new exercise program goes. I’ve got a year to improve my lung capacity for my next cake. But I’ll bring my leaf blower to the party in case Bonnie uses 71 candles!